For reasons unknown to me, I've always had the sense that I'll be ok even if I don't know how. I always had a feeling I was destined for big things, but even though I know that in the core of my being, I still have a habit of giving up before I even try because of this belief... I'm sure you'd be familiar with it too!
The belief that 'If I'm not an expert, who am I to contribute my knowledge?'
I've done it many times: When I started teaching Pilates, when my clients asked me for nutrition advice, when I learnt about muscle activation, when I learnt about the growth mindset for the first time, when I taught myself about self-esteem... I think you get the point!
It's been a pattern of mine to:
Learn something new, exciting and extremely helpful.
Teach as many people as I can about what I learnt.
See great results for myself, my clients and anyone else that wants to know.
Learn more on the topic and realise that what I learnt is probably only scratching the surface.
Decide that if I don't know everything, I really don't know anything.
Stop teaching it since I don't want to dedicate my life to learning the entirety of the topic.
Go back to what I know, and stop getting the new-found great results.
Repeat the process with the next new, exciting and extremely helpful thing I find.
Sometimes I'm able to catch myself and remember that I don't need to be an expert on everything to be able to help my clients with the basics, however I still catch myself not bothering with things- including creating my dream job and business- because 'I'm not an expert'.
It was very recently that a book called 'Chill and Prosper' By Denise Duffield-Thomas was recommended to me, and I started listening to it as an audiobook. It's not often I come across a book that hits me so hard it feels like a sucker-punch to the boob, but this was definitely one of them... I even drove straight to the book store to buy a hard copy so that I could highlight all the gold nuggets I had heard on the 25 minute trip to the shopping centre!
One of the gold nuggets in the book was to choose the mindset to
'Be a contributor, not a guru': the idea that "you don't have to be the best to make a difference to someone".
The reason this hit me so hard was that it helped me recognise and understand the pattern I described above- I always knew I had the pattern, but reading it in plain English helped me to pinpoint the belief that kept holding me back.
I also realised I see this in a lot of my clients, in many forms.
'If I'm not the best at it, I won't do it at all'
'I need to be as good as (insert expert here) or there's no point'
'I don't have a degree so I shouldn't be in the industry'... The list goes on!
It stops them from doing what they love, from starting businesses, from chasing their dreams and it stops them from being who they want to be.
But the reality is... Nobody starts as an expert: We continually learn and grow and become more of an expert as we go.
We don't only learn from experts: We learn from whoever has the information we need, at the time that we need it, in a way that we can understand it.
We don't need to know everything to share what we know: We only need to know something that someone else wants to learn from us- even if it's only a little more than they know.
I know we all value experts, but that never means that people who aren't experts aren't valuable.
I can only image where I'd be right now if I never felt the need to be an expert on everything I do!
Imagine what you could achieve if you let go of this belief. How much faster would you become an expert if you didn't believe you had to be one from the start?
I don't know what you could achieve-nobody does- but I know for sure it's more than you can achieve with the belief.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be an expert and working towards that goal... the problem arises when it stops you from working towards your goals.
You deserve to follow your dreams and create the life you want. You are enough and you are worthy.
So... just in case you haven't already done so, here is your permission to let go of this layer of shit...
It's ok to share what you know, no matter how little you think that is.
It's ok to pursue your dreams even if you'll never be the 'best'.
It's ok to start even if you don't know where the end is.
It's ok to just start.
So just start!
Yours in Health + Happiness,
Your Coach
Mel x
P.S. if you don't know what I mean by 'layer of shit' you can find out here
P.P.S. I'd love to know what your beliefs have held you back from or what you've achieved since letting them go... leave a comment or send me a message!
Some years ago I decided to disconnect from people or so called friends that were emotionally difficult or that I was putting in all the effort and not being reciprocated. I felt this was emotional baggage I didn’t need and that I had importance in their lives, however I clearly had put more value in them and that I was hanging on to these friendships for more of a FOMO… anyway I haven’t missed one of them and they have never contacted me either 😁